How to Talk to a Loved One About Getting Extra Support

Why can talking about care be so difficult?

Care is a very personal subject.

Someone who has been independent for most of their life may find it difficult to admit that they need help. They may feel that accepting support means they are getting older or that they can no longer do things for themselves.

They might also say:

• “I’m perfectly fine.”
• “I don’t need a carer.”
• “I can manage.”
• “I don’t want strangers coming into my home.”
• “I don’t want to be a burden.”
• “I’ll be alright.”

These reactions are completely understandable.

It is important to remember that your loved one may not be refusing help because they don’t need it. They may simply need time to process the idea.

Instead of trying to convince them straight away, focus on having an open and honest conversation.

Choose the right time to talk

Try not to bring up care during an argument, after a difficult incident or when everyone is feeling stressed.

Choose a quiet time when you can talk without being rushed.

You could start the conversation naturally by saying:

“I’ve noticed you’ve been finding a few things harder recently. How are you feeling about everything?”

This gives your loved one the opportunity to tell you how they feel rather than immediately feeling as though a decision has already been made for them.

Sometimes, the first conversation doesn’t need to be about arranging home care at all. It can simply be about understanding what they are finding difficult.

Focus on what they need, not what they can’t do

It can be easy to say things like, “You can’t manage on your own anymore”, but this can make someone feel defensive.

Instead, focus on the things that could make their life easier.

For example:

Instead of:
“You can’t keep doing all this yourself.”

Try:
“Would it make things easier if someone came in to give you a hand with a few things?”

Or:

Instead of:
“You need a carer.”

Try:
“Would you like to look at some options for getting a bit more help at home?”

Small changes in the way we speak can make a big difference.

The aim is to make the conversation feel like a discussion about support, rather than a decision being made for them.

Explain that care at home can be flexible

One common worry about getting care is that it means someone will suddenly have a carer in their home all day.

That’s not necessarily the case.

Home care can look very different depending on someone’s individual needs. Support might involve help with personal care, preparing meals, getting dressed, household tasks, shopping, medication prompts or simply having some company.

For some people, a small amount of support is enough to make everyday life much easier.

The important thing is that care should be based around the person’s needs, preferences and routine.

A care and support plan can look at what is important to someone, what they can do for themselves and what additional support they may need.

Reassure them that asking for help doesn’t mean losing independence

This is one of the most important things to explain.

Sometimes people associate care with losing control over their lives. But the right support can actually help someone keep doing the things they enjoy.

For example, having help with preparing meals could mean they have more energy to spend time with family.

Having support with personal care could help someone feel more confident.

Having a regular care worker visit could provide companionship and reassurance, while still allowing the person to remain in their own home.

The goal isn’t to take over someone’s life. It’s to provide support where it is needed while helping them maintain as much independence as possible.

Listen to their concerns

Don’t just talk about what you think they need. Ask what they think.

You could ask:

• “What are you finding most difficult at the moment?”
• “Is there anything you’re worried about?”
• “Would you feel more comfortable having help with some things but not others?”
• “What would make you feel more comfortable with someone coming into your home?”
• “Would you like to look at a few options together?”

They may have concerns that you hadn’t considered.

Perhaps they are worried about having different people visiting their home. Maybe they are concerned about the cost. Or perhaps they simply don’t like the idea of someone helping them with personal tasks.

Listening to these concerns can help you find a solution together.

Start small if they are unsure

You don’t have to make a big decision immediately.

If your loved one is unsure about home care, it may help to start by discussing one particular area where they could benefit from support.

For example, perhaps preparing meals has become tiring, or keeping on top of household tasks is becoming difficult.

Starting with a small amount of support can sometimes make the idea feel much less overwhelming.

Once they experience how support can make their day easier, they may feel more comfortable discussing other areas where they could benefit from help.

Involve them in the decisions

It is important that your loved one feels involved.

Where possible, let them have a say in:

• What type of support they receive
• When visits take place
• What they would like help with
• Who provides their care
• How much support they feel comfortable with

After all, it is their home and their routine.

Giving someone a voice in their care can help them feel more comfortable and in control.

What if they still say no?

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, your loved one may not be ready.

Try not to turn the conversation into an argument.

You can let them know that you are there if they change their mind and revisit the conversation later.

It can also help to avoid making the conversation about whether they are “capable” of doing something. Instead, talk about whether having some support would make life easier, safer or more enjoyable.

If there is an immediate safety concern, however, it is important not to ignore it. Falls, difficulty managing medication, not eating properly, serious problems with personal care or struggling to stay safe at home may be signs that more support is needed.

Consider a care needs assessment

If you are in England and you believe your loved one needs help with everyday activities, they can ask their local council for a care needs assessment.

A needs assessment looks at how someone manages everyday tasks and what support could help them. It can consider things such as washing, dressing, cooking and managing around the home. The assessment itself is free and anyone can ask for one.

Support could include practical help at home, equipment or adaptations, depending on the person’s circumstances and needs.

If you are providing regular unpaid care for a loved one, you may also be able to request a carer’s assessment. This looks at how your caring responsibilities affect you and what support you may need.

These assessments can be a useful starting point if you’re not sure what help is available.

Remember that you’re not asking them to give up their independence

This is perhaps the most important thing to remember when talking to a loved one about care.

Needing some extra support doesn’t mean someone has failed or that they can no longer enjoy life.

Sometimes, a little help can make a huge difference.

It can mean having more confidence at home, enjoying regular meals, keeping up with household tasks, spending more time with family or simply knowing that someone will be there when they need them.

Care should be about helping someone live well, not taking away the life they have built.

Starting the conversation can be the hardest part

If you’re worried about a loved one and think they may benefit from extra support, don’t feel that you have to have all the answers straight away.

Start with a conversation.

Listen to what they want. Talk about what they are finding difficult. Look at the options together and give them time to think.

And remember, asking for help doesn’t have to mean making a huge change overnight.

At Fuchsia Homecare, we understand that every person and every family is different. Our home care services are designed around the individual, providing practical support and companionship while helping people remain comfortable and independent in their own homes.

If you or someone you love is considering extra support at home, we’re here to have a chat and help you understand your options.

You don’t have to make the decision alone. 💜

Helpful resources

If you’re looking for further information about care and support, the NHS and GOV.UK provide guidance on care needs assessments, care and support plans and accessing help at home.

You can also speak to your local council’s adult social care team to discuss your circumstances and find out what support may be available.

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